Love and kindness got pushed aside as the attacks of Sept. 11th shook the world.
Many Canadians, even those who don't have friends or family who live in the United States, were overwhelmed with emotion. While some people were relatively untouched, many were profoundly affected.
Since the attacks, many people have felt as though they are holding their breath, anticipating the worse, and are seeing the world through fearful and untrusting eyes.
It's understandable that people feel afraid. The challenge for us all will be to face these events, feel our feelings, experience our vulnerability, and yet not get blinded to the good which exists in the world.
People who directly witnessed the World Trade Center collapse and saw people jump from the building have been deeply affected by this trauma. People who witnessed the same events on television also experienced traumatic reactions.
The differences in how people have been affected by these events is mostly a matter of degree. Although of course those that were directly hurt, or lost friends, family, or colleagues to the violence experienced the devastation first hand.
Daily exposure to details about the attacks and the ensuing events and threats have taken a collective toll on our psyche. Many people feel like they are in a holding pattern – waiting for the next bomb to drop.
Across Canada and the United States, private citizens and government agents have been tightening security measures as the potential threats loom over us.
War hangs in the air like a thick, ominous cloud. Some people have reacted out of their fear and anger by looking for someone to blame and to take revenge upon.
An Arab friend told me that her initial reaction to the Sept. 11th attacks was to feel afraid for her life: "We're going to be blamed for this; they're going to come after us." She is now afraid every time she leaves her home.
For trauma survivors – people who are very familiar with violence – these attacks have triggered old wounds and feelings. Children from war-torn countries such as Rwanda, who believed that North America was safe, are now terrified that they'll never find safety.
Child abuse survivors, painfully familiar with the lack of safety in the world, have felt similar reactions. One survivor told me that every night since the attacks she shoves a heavy chest of drawers up against the door because she is afraid that they are coming to get her.
And those who lived through World War II have also found that their childhood uneasiness and fear of death have been stirred up. Many war veterans are saddened by the thought of another war.
It is normal to feel upset in the face of violence. It's frightening to witness, even second or third hand through the media, violence so close to home.
The close proximity of Canada to the United States, and the fact that many Canadians have friends and family there or travel there, have made these attacks more real to us than violence occurring in many other countries.
Feeling afraid, sad, angry, helpless, vulnerable, restless, irritable, and unfocused are all normal responses to trauma. Experiencing a reactivation of old trauma is also a normal response.
It's tempting to conclude that there is no safety in the world, but while these attacks have brought a new awareness about violence to many people, particularly those who have not experienced violence before, the reality is that violence is not new.
There are many examples of violence in the world, here and abroad, and our level of safety may not actually have changed very much since Sept. 11th.
At times like these, it's tempting to deny how we feel or to get stuck in fear or anger. But, it helps to acknowledge the impact Sept. 11th has had on us, no matter how indirectly.
Even if you think that you were not affected, there's a good chance that you have been. Talking about how you feel, sharing your fears and worries, and finding support will help you to feel more connected with yourself and with other people, and subsequently safer.
It can help to find ways to affirm your safety (to know what places and people are safe for you) and to affirm the fact that there is a lot of kindness and love in the world.
Kindness may be hard to see through fearful eyes, but by taking time to breathe, feel your feelings, acknowledge your vulnerability, and take a fresh look around, you will see the kindness and love that there is in the world. It's there to be seen, it just needs a clear view.
© Kali Munro, 2001.
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